As 2016 drew to a close, I asked myself "Did I do enough to make myself proud this year?" The answer was "No".
But that "no" was not necessarily a bad thing. It meant for 2017, my benchmarks would be higher. My goals would be crazier. My dreams would be more unrealistic. Why? Cuz doing this in the first place was already unrealistic and crazy to many, including myself. God just laughed at me and said "You think it's impossible? Give it to Me. I'll show you otherwise."
It hasn't been easy. There a lot of nights spent crying, calculating, questioning and wondering if this was the right choice for my life. Cuz to everyone around me, it clearly wasn't.
As the year drew to a close, I've come to terms with a lot of things with myself. I've learned to listen only One Voice, and that's with the Man Upstairs. This is one of the most difficult things to grasp. I know so many close me want me to succeed and have such great advice, but I will take them with caution and be wary. I will listen to only One Voice. He's told me to keep going and I will do just that. When He closes all the doors, then I will step back. But for now, I'll be listening.
Secondly, I have come to terms that my brain functions like a rolodex. When someone gives me "materials for a better you", a "workout challenge" or advice of "something-that-might-do-me-good" , I listen and then I carefully put it away in my brain in a different compartment to save for later. I do not act upon it immediately. Why? I don't like being forced to do anything. Maybe it's old trauma that might have caused my brain to reject and be repulsed by being forced to do things. When the time is right and the situation deems it necessary, I will pull out the information I need and use it. It's not that I don't heed what you say, I'm still processing to give myself an opinion on the matter.
The last term is something I'm slowly working on that I constantly struggle with. And that is to come to terms to not compare my success to others because frankly, their path is completely different than mine. I have to constantly remind myself that the benchmarks and cornerstones in my life do not lined up at the same time as those around me. I am climbing my own mountain with different weather and different terrain.
As 2017 is here with open arms, I'm leaping into them with utmost trust.